It's a Fine Line

I read a quote recently that resonated with me: in a relationship, the line between coupledom and individuality can become blurry.  When you're in a long term serious relationship, it's easy to become caught up in the other person and in the entity of your coupledom and slowly lose sight of yourself.

This spoke to me because over the last year I've found myself frequently surprised by the things I find I truly enjoy and the things I thought I enjoyed but have discovered I really don't.  These things range from food, clothing and Christmas decorations to music, television shows, colors and home decor.  I don't know if I've just changed a lot since my divorce or if these things were always in me and were set aside for the sake of my marriage.  Regardless of why, I'm still frequently surprised. And it's the littlest things that surprise me the most.   

In my marriage my ex and I were, for a very long time, inseparable. He was my best friend and so the lines between us were definitely blurred.  At the time, I liked that about us.  In retrospect, I'm not sure it was a good thing.  I sacrificed some things for the sake of the marriage and I suppose he probably did the same.  I realize at this age in my life, though, I'm not willing to sacrifice much the next time around.  Whatever I'm discovering about myself won't be set aside again.  And whoever I end up with will have to like me just as I am and will have to accept my intransigence on a lot of things.  The idea of being blurred with another person does not appeal to me.  I want a life separate from a committed relationship.

But I wonder how possible it is to keep that from happening in a successful one.  Living day to day with another person and sleeping next to them every night, the blurring seems inevitable.  It's a fine line between holding on tightly to yourself and damaging a relationship.

So is coupledom supposed to be blurry? Is the melding inevitable and is it actually healthy?  At one time I would have thought it was.  I don't think so at all now.  I don't know if I feel this way because I'm jaded these days or if it's because I'm wiser.  Maybe there's a fine line between wisdom and cynicism, too.