I turned 40 this year.
It was a massively annoying milestone.
I did not want this number to enter into my life yet. It just seems so…final.
I’m officially middle aged and I hate the way that sounds. Middle aged.
It just sounds so…old.
I’ve spent the last several months mulling over this number
and its implications. Here are ten
things I’ve realized about turning 40.
1.
I’m strangely more comfortable in my own
skin. It’s difficult to wrap my head
around this because, let’s be honest, I’m not the hot young thing I was in my
20s. Gravity is beginning to be less than kind and
I’m starting to notice more fine lines and wrinkles than ever before (in fact,
there’s this one deep wrinkle on my forehead above my right eyebrow that taunts
me every single morning. Where the hell did it come from?) And frankly, if I didn’t color my hair, I
would be half gray by now. But I can say unequivocally that I am less insecure
with the way I look now than I was when I was younger. I don’t know how or why this happens…why we
can’t truly enjoy our bodies and the way we look when we are younger but for
whatever reason, regardless of the lack of perfection and the ever encroaching
results of gravity, I’m comfortable in my own skin in a way that I’ve never
been before. Go figure.
2.
Having said the above, I do notice the fine
lines and wrinkles, the shifting of gravity, the gray hairs. I also notice that I get heartburn more than
I used to which makes me both constantly adjust my diet and keep Zantac in my
purse at all times (and I religiously try not to eat after 6 or 7 at
night). You also start noticing hair
growing in places it never grew before (hair removal products and tweezers will
always be near at hand going forward in my life). Anyway, maintenance has become a way of
life. Other female friends my age have
said they’ve noticed the same things. These
are things that women don’t necessarily get warned about growing up. If you’re
in your 20s reading this, buy stock in waxing products and make sure you own a
great paid of tweezers. No joke.
3.
I know who and what I am and what I want. I know what I like and don’t like. There has never been a time in my life that I’ve
been able to be so sure of who I am. Because
of this certainty, I will never settle for people who cannot accept me exactly
as I am. Whether it be family, friends
or romantic relationships, the most important thing for me is to be accepted
and LIKED exactly as I am. I have no
interest in changing anyone and no interest in being changed. I know who I am and I am fine the way I am. Okay….I’m still neurotic. But that’s fine.
4.
I’ve lost a good chunk of my ego and have gained
humility. I don’t know a better way to
explain this except to say that by the time you’re 40, you have more than
likely experienced great loss or major trauma.
You may have lost a marriage, a home, a job….maybe friends, family
members, a pet or even your faith. And if
you haven’t experienced any of these by the age of 40, then you’ve watched
people you care about experience them. Pain
and loss of any kind are humbling. In
the wake of bad things, your ego is stripped away and you are left with an
appreciation for the simple grace found in between the moments of chaos. You find yourself enjoying the small things a
lot more because you realize that in the blink of an eye, you can be swept into
long periods of pain and difficulty where those simple moments of grace are
rare. Losing ego allows you to laugh a
little easier. It grants you the ability
to accept the mistakes you’ve made and take responsibility for them. It teaches you to take things less personally
far more often and to compartmentalize your feelings in way that serves you
better.
5.
The things I worry about today are more serious
than what they used to be. Financial issues
take up a lot of my worries but I also think about my mortality more than I used
to. In the last ten years, I’ve watched
old friends bury their parents. Former
classmates have passed away. Various friends
and acquaintances I know have battled serious illness (some have won their
battles and others haven’t). I no longer
worry about how I am perceived or judged by others. I no longer worry about if I am “cool” or not
(I’m not and never have been). What I
worry about today is tangible and important.
What I haven’t learned is how not to worry….
6.
Having strong friendships is more important to
me now. I understand that I need connection
with people I care about and trust. I
need their honesty and their sense of humor and emotional support. My friends and
I are completely inappropriate. We have
conversations about things that in mixed company would be embarrassing for most
people….but in our own mixed company, it works.
I’m lucky to say that I have a closer network of friends at 40 than at
any other time in my life. I learned the hard way that relationships come and go
but good friendships last and are worth their weight in gold.
7.
There are things that annoy me now more than
they used to. An example. I was walking into a grocery store the other
day and walking in front of me was a young woman with shorts so short that her
ass cheeks were hanging out. All I could
think was, “for Pete’s sake, cover yourself up.” There was a time I probably
wouldn’t have noticed this or if I had noticed, it wouldn’t have bothered
me. But now all I can think is that I
have no desire to see someone’s ass cheeks at the grocery store. Another example. I don’t like modern art. It’s just pretentious and annoying. I can’t stand going through a modern art
exhibit because the entire time I’m thinking that what I’m looking at isn’t
art. Modern art puts me in a bad mood.
Yes, I know. Pretty soon, I’ll be
standing outside my house, shaking my cane and screaming, “Get off my lawn!”
8.
Sleep is SO important. I can’t stress how important it is. There’s a lot I’m willing to turn down if it’s
in competition with a good night’s sleep.
A good time to me is putting clean sheets on the bed and going to sleep
before 10 o’clock (see also my previous FB status). I love a good night’s sleep the way I love a
good glass of wine or a great dessert.
Sleep is the new black.
9.
I’m strong .
I’ve been through some serious crap and I’m still standing. I know that no matter how bad things get, I’ll
survive. I may not know how I’ll survive
and I may be pissed off about having to go through more crap, but I’ll
survive. And God help the person who
tries to get in the way of that.
10.
My tastes have changed more in the last few
years than they ever have before. I
drink coffee now (I used to hate coffee). I enjoy Indian food these days. I’ve discovered a love of Turkish and Moroccan
decor (it’s the lush, decadent colors and fabrics I love). I’m shamelessly addicted to Pinterest. I like wearing my hair longer now (I used to
keep it shorter). There are so many
things I appreciate more now than in the past.
So, this is 40. For better or for worse, here’s to being over the hill…. (this is a bad blog ending but I got tired of writing....lol)
