Stress

Ok.  I've been packing and preparing to move in a week and a half.  And although I'm sure this will eventually be a good move in terms of the direction of my life (or at least this is what I'm hoping), I am the kind of person who hates change.  Huge changes are difficult for me.  I'm a nester who likes to be settled in one place, surrounded by familiar things and people.  I like to have a routine and I'm not big on surprises.  This is just who I am.  The faster and the bigger the changes are, the more extreme anxiety I have. Anyone who knows me well, knows this about me.  And these kinds of huge changes are unbelievably stressful for me.

What I want most in the world - more than anything else on the planet - is to be settled in one place the rest of my life.  I want one home with no more change.  I want to be permanently settled.  I am jealous of people who are in stable, long-term relationships living in houses they've been in for years.  I can't tell you how much I crave that.  There really are no words for it.  I just want to know day to day what to expect. 

Incessant change is exhausting and overrated.  I'm tired and a bit cranky today and my anxiety is pretty high.  And with each box I pack, it increases a little. Sorry.  I know I'm supposed to be excited and happy.  I think it doesn't help that I'm making a big move alone this time. 

I don't like change.  No matter how good it's supposed to be for me.