I've mentioned this in a few other posts, but I feel like I need to say it again. I'm in limbo. Perpetual, never-ending limbo. There isn't a section of my life that isn't up in the air. There is no foundation for me to stand on in order to launch into a new future. I'm simply existing....and for me, this is more than I can handle.
Not knowing anything definite from day to day leaves me scared and panicked and frustrated. I hate not having control over my own life....of being so unsure. And I keep wondering how much longer this limbo can possibly last. There's got to be some end to it, right?
Some people would find my situation exciting because they would view it as filled with possibilities. I'm not one of those people. I'm a planner and an organizer. I'm a person who likes definitive solutions even if they end up being mistakes. I'm not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person. Consequently, much of the struggling I do these days centers around this overwhelming lack of control.
I feel lost. And it's difficult to be found when there's nothing concrete to stand on. I also feel somehow less than adult. The last time my life was like this was right after college. I look around at other people my age....people I used to be like....all settled and married with kids and futures....and I feel so lacking....
It's impossible for me to feel hopeful right now. But I want to have something to look forward to again. The waiting really is more than I can handle.
On a side note - I feel like an emotional yo-yo. I seem to vacillate between feeling better and feeling everything I described here. What I want is so very simple - I just want certainty. And I don't think this is unreasonable.
