Who Knows Where the Time Goes

Long post....fair warning. You may want to grab some popcorn....

Several times in recent months, a cousin of mine has posed the question, "if you could give advice to your 17 year old self, what advice would you give?" It's the kind of question that I normally have a funny answer for in the moment it's asked but later on in the night, when I'm alone in bed and left only with my thoughts, I truly wonder what I would tell myself. Twenty-one years have passed since I was 17 and I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be. I imagined many things for myself at that age and I can't imagine that 17 year old me would be willing to listen to anything 38 year old me might have to say. And yet the question stays with me. What would I tell myself? What advice would I give?

I think I would tell myself first and foremost to start believing more in myself. To stop doubting any number of things and start figuring out how to make peace with the fact that I am who I am and who I am isn't bad. I think I would tell myself not to worry as much about what other people think. I say this with the understanding that the ability to set aside this kind of worry generally comes with age or through great tribulation and oftentimes with both. But I quietly and incessantly worried about what other people thought. I hated feeling disliked or judged. A lot of that has ended as I've gotten older but I wish my younger self could have understood what I understand now - that we're all fallible, mortal human beings and that there is no requirement for others to like us nor is there a requirement for us to like certain other people. There will be people you will like, love, be flat out crazy about and there will be people you just don't click with. This is life.

This leads me to my next thought. There is a quote by Maya Angelou that I keep with me now - "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time". I think young females have a difficult time understanding the meaning of this. They have a hard time with the concept that there are some people in this world who don't have your best interests at heart. Sometimes those people will be complete strangers. Other times they will be people you thought you could trust. Regardless of who they are, when they show exactly who they are, you should believe them. This isn't to say that forgiveness or second chances aren't possible, but it does require you to be realistic when dealing with these people. I wish I had understood this so much earlier in my life. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Which leads me to....people are who they are. You can't change other people. People only change when they alone want to. Again, we're fallible mortals which means we all have emotional limitations in certain areas of our lives. Understanding and accepting that keeps you from needlessly banging your head against a pointless wall of wishing. There are battles worth fighting in life, but trying to make someone into who you want them to be isn't one of those battles.

I would also tell myself that having my heart broken is inevitable. And that it will be broken more than once and in more than one way. Some heartbreaks will be absolutely devastating....others will be painful but easier to take. And no matter how much pain I'm in, I'll survive it. I would warn myself that there will be times when I think I can't possibly go on, but I will. There will be times when I'll be convinced that nothing good will ever happen again....but it will. Life is an ebb and flow. Both good and bad times come and go. Eventually the bad times will pass and when they do, you will amazingly find that you're still standing. So don't be surprised at how strong you are.

Learn to ask for help when you need it. The people who love you and care about you won't view it as an imposition. To be fair, I'm still working on this one....

I would recommend taking more chances and being less cautious. I've lived my life as the good girl overall. I've tried to make careful, deliberate decisions. I've tried to make good choices. I've tried to do the right things for the right reasons. Most of the time, this has been a good thing. There will be times, however, when it will be wiser to throw caution to the wind and take some risks. I will know those times when they arrive and I shouldn't question them when I see them. I should just jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride.

Cut out the sodas, take the right vitamins and stay out of the sun. Never go to sleep with make-up on. In fact, go ahead and adopt that skin care regimen you're thinking about. The earlier, the better. Your skin will thank you as you approach 40. Seriously, it pays off - I promise.

It's perfectly normal to be obsessed with cute shoes. And cute handbags. A cute pair of shoes can turn the most rotten day on the planet into a simply delightful afternoon. Don't even get me started on what cute handbags and purses can do.

Start considering museum work while you're working on your bachelor's. I wish I would have. Museums are awesome - just as interesting to work in as it is to visit them.

Dr. Who is cool. You'll find this out eventually. This will happen around the time it occurs to you that you enjoy sci-fi as much as you enjoy history. Don't bother questioning the dichotomy of this. It's all good.

Yes, green beans are gross. Don't doubt this or feel guilt about not liking them. And don't give into peer pressure to eat them. Just say no and walk away.

Trends to stay away from: low-rise jeans (I really shouldn't have to explain this one), reality t.v. (I'm not sure why I'm mentioning this - you're smart enough to avoid it once it starts), George W. Bush (ok, he'll never be a trend, but you should be warned about his administration anyway. Yes, we'll survive. Barely.), boy bands (especially one called the Backstreet Boys - they're big throughout the 1990's - trust me when I say grunge is better), pashmina shawls (yes, they're pretty but really....what do you do with them?) and dessert trends like cupcakes and crepes - all desserts are equally good and should never be discriminated against. There are more but I'm running out of room....

Finally, don't lose your sense of humor. There will be times when it will be one of the things that carries you through the difficult times. In other words, keep watching Monty Python. After all, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.