The Death of Dating?

Aaannndd....I'm back after a month long hiatus.  Between the one year anniversary of my divorce, what would have been my wedding anniversary and finding out my ex is in a serious relationship, I needed to wallow for a while.  Boy, did I wallow.  But now I'm back.

The topic on my mind now is dating.  I'm trying yet again to give online dating a try and all I can say is oy vey.  It’s truly a jungle out there.  In the few weeks since I’ve tackled online dating again, I’ve been contacted by a variety of guys.  Some send a message saying “hey” with no other introduction whatsoever.  Just the word “hey”.  Other guys from a variety of ethnic backgrounds have started their messages to me saying “I’m hoping you’ll reply because if you don’t, I have to assume you’re a racist”….because nothing inspires me more to communicate than being insulted right off the bat.  And yesterday…on Thanksgiving...I was contacted by a guy who says he’s a sheep herder by day and a ninja by night.  I kid you not.  He even has a ninja photograph for his profile.  By the way, his profile mentions nothing else other than sheep herding and being a ninja.  There are no words….

Did society’s ability to communicate and date descend into a realm of hell while I was married?  Or did it just die altogether?  Back in the day (and yes, I’m old enough to use those words now), dating was simpler.  It really was.  You met a guy and you flirted a little.  There was eye contact and a spark.  The guy would ask for your number and then place an actual phone call to ask you out on a date.  Not a text.  A phone call.  They would call no later than the middle of any given week and ask for a date for Friday or Saturday night.  The guy would show up at your home on the designated night to pick you up, he would open the car door and pay for the date.  The date was usually something like dinner and a movie.  And this first date was the equivalent of a job interview.  It was just two people sitting down to dinner and trying to decide if the spark could be anything more than just a spark.  If the first date went well, there would be a second date and so on.  There was no commitment, no pressure…it was just simple dating.  Furthermore, guys took the initiative, pursued the girl and asked her out (and by the by, women dearly and passionately like men who do this).  It was a given that there would be times they faced rejection just like it was a given that girls might not get asked out by the guy they were interested in.  Neither one was the end of the world.  But everyone knew their roles.  Guys weren’t terrified of a girl who might like him too much and women weren’t forced to obsess over the meaning of things than can’t be interpreted.   (On a side note, I have yet to ever talk to a guy who truly prefers an aggressive female or a female who takes on the traditional male role of doing the pursuing. Seriously, I have yet to meet a guy who says, “sign me up for the passive role, I want to be aggressively pursued).

Today people hang out and hook up and don’t go on actual dates until they consider themselves a couple.  They text and message via Facebook and avoid real life conversations like the plague.  Guys fear female clinginess to the point of phobia and women spend obsessive amounts of time trying to decipher the meaning of those texts and messages.  No one wants to make a real adult effort to connect with anyone else.  We’re driven to online dating because it seems to be only way to date now since everyone is avoiding what has been the previous norm of dating. 
  
The thing is, deep conversations and flirting are sexy.  They just are.  There is irony in me saying this since I’m an introvert.  But that’s how important real conversations and flirting are.  Even introverts need conversation and flirting. Why do they?  Because during all of the flirting and deep conversations, looks are exchanged, non-verbal cues are given and pheromones are felt.  When did we forget this?  When did we stop teaching society this?  We’ve made meeting people and dating a lot harder than it has to be.  I almost feel forced to stick with online dating though.  There doesn’t seem to be any other alternative (and yes, I see the irony of me posting on a blog about this).  

I hate having to post what I post on my profile.  I hate having to be so blunt about what I’m looking for and what I’m not wanting in my life.  In the old world of dating, this stuff was found out through conversation.  I like being able to find this stuff out through conversation with someone.  I feel like nothing more than an advertisement with online dating.

The truth is, I never anticipated having to date again – especially not at the age I’m at.  I hadn’t paid attention to the demise of dating.  I hadn’t noticed how people have become so frightened of interaction.  

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I’d like to remarry, have a family and a home and just be normal.  After receiving the ninja email, though, staying single and celibate doesn’t sound quite as bad as it has.  If sheep herding ninjas are what I have to contend with, then a party of one it might stay….