Old Friends

From the time we are born until the time we die, we move through life meeting people who leave marks on us. Most of those marks are actually life lessons. Some of these lessons will be joyous while others will be very painful. Some of the lessons will change us in such sudden and profound ways. Others will have less obvious effects, clinging to us as each day passes and quietly reminding us of what is important and what isn't. We're meant to meet these specific people for these specific lessons.

But because life is the way it is, we don't always get to take life's entire journey with these people beside us. Sometimes we lose loved ones along the way - some through death, some through personal choice and others drift away because time and distance make it impossible for them to stay. I've been very lucky to have had some truly extraordinary people in my life. Some of them are still with me, influencing me and marking me in their own ways each day. I've lost some extraordinary people, too. Some have most definitely drifted away. Some have moved and are still moving away by personal choice. Still others passed suddenly and unexpectedly. A few passed after long illnesses. I miss all of them very much.

Nineteen years ago tomorrow, I lost one of my oldest friends. Actually, he was more than just a friend - he was the closest thing to a brother I ever had. I spent my entire childhood with him. The vast majority of my childhood memories involved my sister, my friend, Kristen and him. So I can say with complete honesty that not a day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind at least once during the day. For nineteen years, I've thought about him every single day.  And each year, on the anniversary of his death, I quietly mark his passing and wonder what he would be doing if he were still here. His memory has been with me through all of the major hallmarks of my life - college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my niece...I've thought of him during those times and felt him with me and wished he could have been there in person. And I know he would have been with me throughout the last year, standing with me and supporting me and giving me the kind of advice only he could have given.

I was marked in the best ways possible by him. I have such wonderful, funny memories of growing up together. And my lessons from him and his passing are many. Losing him taught me in the saddest way possible that nothing in life is guaranteed. We can’t predict what will happen and we won’t get through this life without some pain along the way. It taught me that love is more important than most things in life - more important than pride and more important than being right. His life taught me that our lives are about choices…that life truly is what you make it. He taught me that forgiveness and second chances are really important no matter how hard they might be to give. He also taught me that oftentimes in life, family isn’t necessarily about blood or biology – that the closest and best of friends can also be the best family.  And finally, when we're loved, we're never really forgotten, no matter how much time passes.

He had a great sense of humor, a keen intelligence, a deep appreciation for the profundities of life and I think it's very accurate to say that he was wise beyond his years. He was a wonderful writer and a lover of all animals. He loved board games, most especially Trivial Pursuit. He was a big fan of the Three Stooges and loved Cubs baseball (if you ever wonder why I cheer for the Cubs, this is why).  He was curious about the outside world and enjoyed traveling.  He was an ardent Republican and enjoyed World War II military history (when movies like "Band of Brothers" come out, he's who I think of).  Our favorite movie when we were kids was "Real Genius".  It's such an 80's movie, but I love it now because we loved it as kids. He loved hanging out with his friends.  He was a good guy who went through some difficulties during his teenage years but had so successfully made it to other side of those difficulties that his death was made all the more tragic.

I miss him. I have often wondered over the years what he would be doing if he were still alive. I'd like to think he would have made use of his talent for writing and would have been influential with what he had to say. I'd like to think he would have met the love of his life and married and had kids and continued to enjoy life, his family and the world around him. This is what I like to think.

I also like to think he would be pleased to know he is remembered by so many and with such love. And he is.
David Layman Brady
1975 - 1993